Fat Mike's Butterball Birds

[Azuloth]

A soothing smell fills the air. It smelled like delicious fried food and comfort. Ahead, on the road, or in the street, or in the wood, was a stall where an overly large man in a chef's apron and hat was busy working. He had all the trappings he needed to go about his business. A large pot filled with oil, a plucked and butchered turkey already inside, frying away. An oven of bricks, where another bird was being baked. Six golden birds lay out on a display, each one looking better than the last. Their golden crispy skin both flaky and warm. The meat underneath, tender and juicy.

The sign read: "Fat Mike's Butter Ball Birds!"
In all languages.

Fat mike was a pleasant sort of guy. Chuckling about everything. It was all a big joke to him.

His prices were reasonable.

---

Butterball Birds

Deep-Fried Turkey
-Fully Restores HP
-1 Serving per pound
-Cost: 3.88 Gold per pound.
-Sizes available: 8 lb. 15.4 lb., and 28 lb.

Baked Turkey
-Fully Restores Stamina
-1 Serving per pound
-Cost: 3.88 Gold per pound.
-Sizes available: 8 lb. 15.4 lb., and 28 lb.

Glazed Turkey
-Fully Restores MP
-1 Serving per pound
-Cost: 3.88 Gold per pound.
-Sizes available: 8 lb. 15.4 lb., and 28 lb.

[Tyr]

Word had been spreading throughout the Duchy of a traveling chef selling cooked birds. Many of the Duke's people were already sharing stories of the delicious wonders and it attracted Tyr's direct attention when he heard his cook complaining about not being able to match such roasted perfection. Off he went in search of the fabled food, only to find the shop right down the road from his manor. It seemed to radiate a general feeling of 'pleasant', and the Duke inspected the birds with a growing hunger. It seemed a waste to just procure some for himself though, and the price of it would be more than the average civilian could manage.

"My good sir, how long would it take to prepare a rather...extensive feast of your wondrous cooked birds? Tyr couldn't decide which kind to order, they all seemed to call to him in some way. "I'm not quite sure how much stock you have to prepare, but how much could you make up to just under 11 thousand pounds?" It was a ridiculous amount to be sure, but who knew what this man was capable of? The goal would be to purchase roughly half a pound for every citizen in the Duchy.

---

Trying to buy 10540 pounds of turkey, which equates to 40,895.2 ritz.

[Azuloth]

"Oh jeez, that's a tall order friend. Heh heh heh. You want fries with that? Ha ha ha! Just kidding you, man. You want those birds deep fried, baked, or glazed? The glaze is a maple syrup glaze made by my aunt. Nice lady if there ever was one. Ha ha! Hell, I'll even let you mix and match, how bout dat? You want three hundred seventy seven birds basically. You can have a hunnert twenty five of each if you want, and then you can pick and choose the last few. Or you can get all the same thing. I'll throw in a little discount too, how bout dat? For a bulk order like this I'll let those last two birds go free. Doesn't sound like much of a deal, but hell, where I'm from the price of gold fluctuates with the rise and fall of fiat money and shit. Economics, man. It's a killer. Anyway, yeah, you want them delivered to that big ole castle over there? Give me a week and I can get it done."

[Tyr]

Tyr mulled it over in his head for a bit, wondering if fries should actually be something he tried to include in his order, before focusing back on Mike's whole spiel. There were plenty of options to choose from, how was he to know what his people would want? Giving them the choice would probably be best, so an assortment it was.

"Let's do the mix of each, everyone will probably like having the choice. If you could, there will be a large tent set up outside the castle in a week's time. Deliver the birds there so the people might enjoy them." Tyr would have to get said tent made, but sewing a bunch of cloth together wasn't that difficult. He could probably employ some of the more elderly citizens in his land to assist with such an effort. Writing out a cheque for the value of three hundred and seventy five birds, a solid 40,740 Ritz, Tyr handed it over to the chef. "See you in a week then!"

[Azuloth]

"Ha ha! Sure is a pleasure doing business with you sir. I'll have those birds ready and in that tent before you can say Skill Based Matchmaking. Ha ha! You probably don't get that. Don't worry about it. Space, time, weird shit man. I don't get it all myself. You have a good day, now, ya'hear?"

It appeared that Fat Mike got started right away with his work. It was a tall order to fill, but it would line his pockets with enough money to be more than worth it. He wasn't sure what to do with the check though, maybe take it to a local bank? He knew his bank didn't accept checks written on fancy paper for an amount of what might as well have been monopoly money. He'd need to get the coins in his hand, and then pawn them back home or something. It was then he realized how much work all this would be.

"Ha... ah well. It'll be worth it."

[Tyr]

A year had passed since the first turkey feast, in which each of Tyr's subjects had been provided a half pound of delicious turkey. It was a grand affair, sides provided at the expense of the duchy, and each village provided with their share so no one need travel to the main city for their food. It was an extravagance that Tyr was all too happy he could afford to provide every once in a while. His people worked hard, and they were loyal. It was only right he repay them in kind every once in a while. Word traveled quickly when Fat Mike's stall appeared along the roads once again. Tyr made all haste to seek the man out, carrying with him a few chests of coins on a simple cart. He had a tall order to place this year, aiming to expand the festival of food a bit.

"My good sir, wonderful to see you in these lands again! Might I impose upon you another tall order? I seek to feed my entire duchy once again, only with a solid pound per individual. This, however, means I would need to order 30,600 pounds of meat from you. Would you be able to fill such an order? Would it help you to set up a grand kitchen in my lands for you to work from with some staff to assist?" There was a large building just waiting to be repurposed, he knew it, and plenty of people would love the chance to cook with this man. If only to learn some of his secrets and have a job cooking delicious meat year round in the duchy.

[Azuloth]

"Oh hey man! Good to see ya again. Heh heh heh. That's a tall order. I was able to expand my business a bit back home from your patronage. You're my best customer you know? I can hook you up, but a kitchen here won't help. My equipment needs uh... special resources you don't have here. So what kind of breakdown do you want? How many birds of each? That's almost eleven hundred birds if I get the fattest turkeys I can find. Not fatty mind you... nah, you know what I mean."

Fat Mike was happy to see Tyr again. His business had indeed expanded from all the gold that Tyr had spent. Pawning the stuff was difficult. And it raised some eyebrows because it didn't match any historical coinage that had existed before where Mike had come from. But nobody says no to sacks and sacks of gold. The coin collecting community found the coins to be remarkable.

[Tyr]

Best customer ehh? Well that was good to know, Tyr liked being able to help out the...local merchants as much as possible. His deals with Kable were the best show of that. And besides, even for the price of it all being able to provide a free meal to all of his people once in a while was worth it. They worked damn hard for him, he could at least do a little to give back.

"Your glazed turkeys were a delight to the people last time, I believe we might stock heavy on those this year. Perhaps five hundred of those, and three hundred a piece of the others?" As he talked Tyr separated out several of the chests, performing mental math with the shorthand marks he'd scratched onto the tops. Wanting to present an even number, Tyr segmented out five chests that would total to 120,000 Ritz. "This should cover your expenses with a bit extra. If you could, once again have the meat delivered to the large tent in my lands. If you have any time I'm sure the people would love if you would join them for the celebration."

---

((I know this is crazy late, but hey, better to finish it eventually right? Tyr paid 120000 Ritz for 1100 birds/30800 pounds of meat.))

[Azuloth]

"Sure sure man, can do can do. Listen, you've been a great help to me and my business. I'd be glad to stop by if the craziness that lets me be here in the first place lets me, ya know what I mean? I better go a little easy on the prices if you're going to keep buying from me though. Don't want to flood the market with these interestin' coins n' all. I'll make sure it gets delivered."

Fat Mike would accept the fat sacks of gold for the birds. He'd have them delivered on time in the quantities specified. He'd still have a hard time pawning the coins, but collectors of all kinds were more than happy to pay top dollar for the unique honor of having a coin that the planet had never seen before. That planet anyway, this one seemed to never run out of them.