An Explantion and An Apology

[Jorkahn Wealddir]

So, I have honestly been putting this off for a while because it is kinda embarrassing and it feels like I am crying for attention, but I feel like I owe it to everyone here to explain my absence. First a bit of back story I guess.

When I was in middle school I went through about two years of a somewhat crippling depression, to the point where I was a bit suicidal. I went to therapy and nothing came of it, and I have been mostly better ever since. Unfortunately last month I kind of regressed into that depression again. I thought I was over it until a few days ago when it resurfaced again.

It kinda makes me not want to do anything, and it seems the only thing I can really make myself do is go to work and sit at home on my computer playing games to keep my mind off things. Now, first I should say that there is nothing to really worry about. I am not suicidal or anywhere that dark right now. But, I wanted to apologize for my absence and make everyone aware that this may seriously effect my posting.

It has been a while since I have felt this way, and if a month ago is any indication it hopefully won't last that long. I will try my best to get some posts done tomorrow. If that can't happen then hopefully I can make myself feel up to posting within the next two to three days.

My mood may be a bit unpredictable in the days or weeks to come. If any major changes happen I will try to keep everyone posted in this thread.

[Azuloth]

First I'd like to thank your for your honesty and willingness to be open and explain your situation to us. I understand the nature of anxiety and depression quite well. Take any time you need to get yourself back in order.

Second, you don't need to apologize for this. There's nothing to be sorry for. Depression and anxiety are like cruinthe's monsters. They can strike at any time and really fuck your day up. That being said dealing with it is also a bit like cruinthe, you have to know what your coping skills are and channel that energy into something neutral or positive. Games are a good neutral. If you have trouble tackling the monster this time, follow the cruinthe method: level up, get new skills, and new equipment then teach it who's the boss.

[Deleted]

And there shouldn't be a stigma either--don't feel embarrassed for sharing, feel good that you were brave enough to share!

I think many RPers (and artists in general?) have had trouble with depression in the past, and the coping mechanism of escapism leads to creative expression of the imagination. You got allies here.

You might look into Eastern religion (or Stoicism) on how to cope with depression. The idea is that the feelings will come, as they always do, but you can detach from them so that they go away faster. I'm not explaining it 100% correctly, but look into the fourfold path of Buddhism for more info. People have been dealing with this struggle for thousands of years, and you are not alone.

[Deleted]

To echo everyone else, you really don't need to feel ashamed. Stuff like that happens, what is most important is your happiness.

You aren't whining either.

I get it, I go through the same thing. It's the reason why I sometimes will disappear for a time.

It does help to sometimes just zone out on things, or have the green stuff. That is totally koolaid... XD

[Jorkahn Wealddir]

So yeah, a bit of explanation as to my absence. To be perfectly honest I let the stress of work and my deteriorating mental health get the better of me. In fact, I got to the point where all I was doing was sitting around watching Youtube videos, playing games, ignoring my friends, or otherwise doing something to just get my mind off things. But, not to worry! I believe I have finally climbed out of the rut I was in.

Of course this doesn't mean I am all better, and it is entirely possible I may end up disappearing again for a while, but I should be a lot more consistent with my posting for a bit. Thank you everyone for your patience and understanding and I give to you my sincerest apologies.

[Azuloth]

Glad to have you back!